Opportunities for healing come about from time to time…they slow us down…the interfere with our “important” stuff…and if we are paying attention, they allow us to heal for real so that the opportunity does not have to keep visiting us!

I was gifted this blessing of healing most recently this summer.  A few days after moving 20 hours from my family and friends to begin a new life of simplicity and connection with the earth…I broke my ankle…in two spots. And another concussion…while hiking.  I guess you could say that the hiking component was almost complete, as it happened 20 feet from the parking lot.  I was going back and forth between appreciating the beauty around me to taking note of ideas downloading at warp speed and juggling the to do list in my mind.  I heard the crack and felt the thump before I even realised that I had fallen.  I think that Miss Chloe heard me say more f-words in the following 10 minutes than she had heard from my mouth in her entire 16 years.  F*ck!  I did not have time for this!

Alone with my 16 year old daughter…with 500 seedlings to get in the ground, that was a swamp not ready to be welcoming such responsibility and in a brand new community…overwhelm came on fast.  And I welcomed it.  My philosophy has always been to give yourself a few minutes or 2 days if needed to pout and then allow inspiration and healing to come forward.  My son, Tristan did what he could with the property that I could no longer even visit and Chloe took on the grocery shopping and picking up the mail, getting to meet the taxi drivers that took her into town.  And I sat.  I sat on the porch…I sat on my favourite red chair, gifted to me by my birthday twin.  I sat and watched the sun rise and set as my seedlings began to wither away.  Each one feeling like a dream dying within me.  That feeling of hopelessness and inability to save them was too real.  And with each emotion that came forward, I was gifted a reminder that it was time to heal.

We are all given choices and options during this human experience.  Mind came down to two roads…well, I guess three roads that I could take.  The first was to just sit and pout, dying alongside the plants.  (That option didn’t make the list.)  The second was to suck it up and plow through…keep my full schedule and act like everything was fine…believe it or not, this would have been the easy solution.  I took the third route…the hard one…the vulnerable one…the one that I knew would allow my body, my mind and my soul to heal.  I got real about what was happening.  I made the gut-wrenching choice to put myself first and cancelled all of my clients.   I left social media.  I stayed as present as possible and dealt with my shit.  Yep, you heard that right…people that inspire people…they can do that because they have gone through the mud…and for me to be authentic with you, with my kids, with my husband and most importantly for myself…I had some shit to clear.  And here is what I did…

  1.  I took care of my body.  That involved everything from arranging for produce delivery so that I could eat healthy, to being religious about my essential oils and herbs to cutting off my hair so that I could wash it in the kitchen sink without getting grossed out when it went down the drain.  I slept when I was tired.  I sang when I was inspired to do so.  I crocheted, and the blanket is half done.  I thanked my body for giving me the opportunity to make amends for all of the times that I had neglected it.  I also enjoyed chocolate…because I really love chocolate.
  2. I revisited old injuries.  The one break that I received is actually in the same spot as one from childhood.  It was a time in my life that I do not like to visit.  I feel really sad and uncomfortable when I go there.  But, little 11 year old Sammi, she needed some love and to feel heard so that the pain did not need to keep manifesting in broken ankles going forward.  I sat and I listened.  I remembered.  I offered comfort and I explored how those same theses were still coming up and why they were still coming up, and what was needed for real and lasting healing.  I saw the parallels between the issues that were coming up with the ankle at 11 and today, and how some were the same as with the concussion then and today.  Our body is magnificent!  It is a record keeper, storing old wounds and memories, and holding the ability to heal itself!
  3. I sat in silence and listened to my soul, to God (whatever that means to you) and to the universe.  With so much happening in the world, I needed to remember that what I observe in the world is happening within me and vice versa.  I needed to come back into that space of peace within me.  During the quarantine, I did not stop like much of the world.  I more than doubled my work, happily offering healing and insight and virtual hugs.  It was easy to do, as I truly love my craft and my skills were needed.  But, I was not offering myself the same kindness.  This silence was an opportunity to allow me to stop, to have my turn, and since my ego was not carving that time out for me, the universe gave me a hand.  This was a wonderful opportunity to allow me to practise what I teach others, and what I was quickly forgetting to do for myself.
  4. I used healing techniques with energy and Spirit.  The same techniques that I have used with my clients for years, I used for myself.  Meditation, energy and Spiritual healing, visualization and the most important, but honestly most challenging for me…I asked for help.  Sometimes I got it and sometimes I did not…but I experienced healing just by asking as it reminded me that I too can have a human experience and can’t be all for all.
  5. This one will not surprise many of you…Gratitude.  It is the most wonderful medicine that we have to access!  During those moments of anger and frustration and despair….gratitude was still there.  It was maybe a little harder to see, but when I could peel away the hurt and just allow myself to feel…it was pretty easy to find.  Gratitude for my new friend that brought me soup, for Chloe helping me in and out of the bath, for Tristan playing in the mud and doing his best to build a pond and garden, for my beautiful friends that checked on me, to my loving clients that sent me care packages and messages, to the glorious sunset that visited every night without fail, to the seedling that survived…and are producing fruit despite their move 1,800km only to be left in a gazebo often unwatered for days, planted weeks after they “should” have been.  God, resiliency is an amazing thing!
  6. I reconnected with friends…some that have always been a constant…and some that had been missing for a while.  And I laughed.

On the morning of “the fall” (somehow that sounds way too dramatic!), I planted some seeds in my front flower bed.  They were peas and beans.  They slept under the soil during my darkest days…and then they broke through…growing towards the light, focusing just on their growth.  Aside from two that I found in my pocket the other night, not a single one has made it inside.  I cherish each bite of these garden blessings that remind me of our summer adventure together.  We all have days where the light may be harder to access.  Where we feel like we have been buried and are unsure of how we will get through.  But we do get through.  And we always have the opportunity to heal.  I love you xoxo

Sam Black
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